Runaway brides.
Many Singaporeans and Malaysians chose to marry foreign Vietnamese brides because they are not as demanding and materialistic as the local brides. Some of them are ethnic Chinese, born and bred there.
Most of those middle age bachelors are from the rural heartlands because it is difficult to seek a wife, as many girls have migrated to the larger towns to work.
Vietnamese brides are simple and hardworking people and they can accept whatever conditions in their new country .
Those living near the border with Thailand would marry Thai girls.
Everything will be fine at first but marriage is not easy when they come from vastly different cultures and sometimes may not be able to communicate with each other except with sign language.
When they don’t get what they wanted from their spouse, those women may take whatever is available and abscond .
It is better than the poverty which they faced back home.They came from a war torn country and faced lots of hardships during the war.
Marrying outsiders offers them a chance to escape from their poverty or a life of prostitution to survive .
They will go to those matchmaking companies who will arrange the Vietnamese girls to come over and if they like what they see, the deal is done.
It is like the traditional customary practice,where you only get to see her for a short while and agree to marry her. You will only know the real person when she becomes your wife.
The matchmaking companies will not guarantee or vouch for her character or background.
She maybe tainted goods and you will be unlucky if you chose the wrong one.
Marrying a mail order bride is not without risk. Those brides could still be married in their home country or not legally divorced or in some sort of emotional entanglements with their ex’s.
Those foreign brides may run back to their own country and you will not be able to trace them . Even if you can trace them , there is nothing you can do about it.
Those men should check the girls background but it is easily said than done because it would incur a large amount of money to hire PI’s.
Even some of them have to pay by installments to those matchmaking agencies.
They can only hope for the best or they will never marry in this life.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 3 so far )I am tired of being a man ,I want to be a woman again.
Do you sometimes feel like you are the man in the house ?
You make all the major decisions and pay for everything in the marriage .Your man appears to only piggy back on your back and adding to your problems.
You want him to pull his weight in the relationship but he seems to be oblivious of your feelings and discontentment’s.
Instead of being understanding and helpful , some men may even constantly criticize , complaint ,emotionally abuse and have a higher expectations from her.
The journey is long and you can get tired and you need to rest sometimes and expect him to carry you when you feel weary and weak.
You are tired of carrying all those burdens on your shoulder and want him to help lighten them.
You maybe paying for half of everything in today’s marriages and in some cases, you may even pay for everything.
After paying for so many things , you expect some gratitude from him but instead you feel lousy about his selfish behaviour and would have preferred if he showed some understandings about your needs and learned how to nurture and take care of you .
You feel that you have given a lot to the relationship but he only knows how to take but does not know how to give in return.
Blame it on their mothers who pampered them and did not train them properly.
It can be very weary carrying the whole world by yourself all the time and sometimes , you need to rest and allow him to help you but help is not forth coming.
You think of your parents time when the man is the sole provider and the woman the house minder. The gender roles were distinct in those times.
With women getting higher educations and better paying jobs, the role of women in our society has taken on a different role. They are now the breadwinner as well as the housewife.
Even though some men take on a greater role in the taking care of the child and home, a greater proportion of the household chores are still being borne by the women.
Women want equality and they want to prove that they are just as capable as the men in every fields.
In the process, they compete against men and men are confused with the new role of women in the society.
Today’s women act like men or assimilated some of his characteristics but yet want to be treated like a traditional type of women.
The modern women want independence and equality but deep down they want to be taken care off like a traditional women with the men paying for everything.
It is like having the best of both worlds. Some women reverted back and fro from the old and the new world whenever it suited them.
If she is from a lower paying job, her man would look after her but if she is from the other higher end, the man is not expected to pay for her upkeep.
The way to avoid these pitfalls is to work out the details before marriage or put a certain percentage of their incomes into a joint account for all those bills and mortgages.
I see some Christian couples do that and they have a very good relationship and money is not a problem or can cause any misunderstandings or bad feelings.
When you are in love, you just want to live together and do not want to discuss the nitty gritty stuff before hand. There could be serious troubles if you go into too much details.
If there is love, everything will be fine and you won’t mind paying for everything.
When the honeymoon is over and reality sets in ,you begin to see his faults .
He is not the golden God you worshiped and let him walked all over you but only a statue with feet of clay.
Related story,
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-pay-for-everything-myself-why-doesnt-my.html
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )Married to a Man and in Love with a Woman,
Living Two Lives: Married to a Man and in Love with a Woman is an interesting book written by suburban mom Joanne Fleisher.
Some women have a secret life or living two life’s. They are struggling to come out of their closet and have no where to turn to .
They cannot get any help from their heterosexual friends who may not know anything about this issue or from the gay community because they don’t feel a part of that community yet.
It is harder for a women to come out and declare that she is gay and once she comes out in the open , the marriage will be under intense pressure and will not last.
More often than not , they will have to go separate ways .No matter how accommodating her husband is , he cannot fill the role of her lesbian lover.It is not about him but her.
For such couples, there are three choices. Stay in the marriage and remain unhappy, stay in the marriage and carry out an affair or let him go and live your own life.
Most would select the last choice. They can still be friends as they are still the parent of their children. They may have changed but the love for their children will remain the same.
Once ,they come out in the open with their decisions, a big weight is lifted off from their shoulders. They are now free and unshackled from their chains. They will find their life peaceful and serene and will not be troubled anymore with their guilt .
Being gay can be a problem in some parts of the world or where the society cannot accept this concept. Even Christians are divided about gays.
I do not think that we should discriminate against gay Christians but to accept them whatever their sexual preference are.
Who are we to judge them ?
We cannot change them and only God can. We should leave it to God . To ban them or to have nothing to do with them is wrong.
How much do you understand about gays ? Most probably zilch!
Reference and thanks to :-
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/oprahshow1_ss_20061002/8
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 3 so far )Marrying for money …
If only life is that simple and we don’t have to face with making hard and difficult choices.
To marry someone who has money but no love or to marry someone you love but who have no money . Will love triumph over money ? This is a dilemma.
During the feudal era, a woman had no choice, she was given into marriage whether she loves him or not. She will have to accept her fate and her new role as a wife and mother of his kids.
The traditional marriage too shared the same characteristics. She will learn to love her husband after she gets married to him.
The modern women have been freed from this culture and is allowed to choose her mate for herself. Presented with a choice, she would need to decide long and hard.
A marriage that is without love can be a very difficult union. She may enjoy a materialistic lifestyle but she would find an emotional emptiness or a lack of emotional fulfillment. A marriage in pursuit of riches will find other areas lacking. She cannot have it all.
Later she may find that she is just a trophy and maybe traded in for a younger model. Her husband could be the controlling type who will make her life miserable.
Everything becomes meaningless and superficial .She feels like being imprisoned in her own home .
Being rich , he will have a higher standards and a higher expectations of you .It would be simply impossible to satisfy his whims and fancies and in time , he will get fed up and leave for a newer model.
Those who marry for pure love will be happier, contented and emotionally fulfilled. Even though they maybe poor,the love will sustain them and they will enjoy closer rapport with each other. As long as their love is intact, everything would be fine and marvelous.
There is an analogy about a marriage between beauty and riches and why it is never good.
Beauty does not last and it will fade and depreciate in value over time, while money can grow and appreciate.
When money is gone , beauty will leave because there is nothing more for her in that relationship. So too will he when her beauty is gone .
A union of beauty and riches will only last when those conditions exist and when one is gone , there is nothing to hold the marriage anymore.
Reference and thanks to :-
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6365533.ece
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )
Will he marry me ?
When you love your partner with all your heart and soul and he loves you back the same , it is only a matter of time ,you would expect him to pop that question,”Will you marry me ?”
You have been waiting patiently and earnestly for that proposal from him and would probably have prepared your reply beforehand. Sadly and disappointingly , those loving and ever precious words will remain still born in his brain.
You will need to graft those words into his heart and when summer comes, you should see a new shoot and if you cannot see any new shoots,he is not the one for you.
Some women may have waited from two to 8 years and some forever .If you are not going to push for it , the men would just sit on the fence and do nothing . He loves you and wants to be with you but his words and deeds do not match.
After two or three years and if he cannot commit to you , there is no hope in that relationship and it would be better to move on and find another man.Some women can go on having an uncommitted relationship for many years.
They are only deceiving themselves . If he cannot commit to you now , what makes you think he will commit to you five years or ten years down the road ?
Your biological clock is ticking and you want to have kids as early as possible .He seems not to be in a hurry or oblivious of your needs and it never crosses his mind that time is an essential factor.Everyday is just the same to him and he is bobbing around directionless and soaking up your sunshine.
Whenever you want to bring up the subject of marriage,he seems lukewarm about it and he does not share your views. After all, you are living like a married couple and what is a piece of paper?
Do you want a piece of paper or a loving and happy relationship ?
Most men would posed that question to the women but one needs to understand a woman’s psyche.
Your perspective is different and being married legally offers you security ,official status and matters when dealing with the state like death , divorce or inheritance.
If the state recognize such loose relationships, then there is no problem but in many countries, a marriage certificate or if your marriage is registered with the state , then you have a local standing . Otherwise, you are nobody and cannot sue or claim your rights as his wife or his inheritance .
Many couples are living together or cohabiting and having children too.They are not married but are living like married couples.The men are enjoying this arrangements without having any legal commitments to their partners.If they don’t like each other, they can just leave . This is an unfair advantage to the women.
A marriage is like a contract and is binding . When you don’t have a marriage contract, your bonds may not be strong and he can easily break away or tempted away by another younger women.
If the man loves you , why are they afraid to get married ? Would they not want to go to the end of the world with you or die for you ?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )Why do so many men seem to avoid marriage?
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
That sums up the difference on how each sex view marriage.
Before a man is ready for marriage, , he would need to have a stable job, healthy , psychologically and mentally conditioned for marriage , wealthy enough to afford the wedding receptions and be ready to give up his Wild, Wild ,West ways .
In some cultures, it is the woman’s side which provide the groom with dowry’s or pay for the wedding receptions.
Money is the chief impediment to being married. Everything needs money and when you live by yourself , you will find that every single thing will have to be bought .When you were living with your parents, you need not spend a single cent . Everything you need was provided by them. How life with one’s parent is such a bliss!
Being married to a girl , means that he will have to give up part or all of of his freedom or independence , sharing his decisions and taking on an increased in the responsibilities of a spouse, ,children and home.He becomes the provider .
The traditional women and some modern day liberated women does not realize that burden as they come to expect the guy to bear that responsibility and it is his job. Some of them take it for granted.
To a working women , she can always quit her job anytime when she does not feel like working or if she was fired from her job. She has no problem with that as she can always depend on her husband to support her. To her, the job is just a temporary stop gap measure.
The men do not have this choice. They have to work till they are old or cannot work anymore.
If they are single , they do not have to worry about the family or home or kids and can just spend their life anyway they want.
When a woman marries, she is likely to focused on herself , her wants, wishes, dreams and desires. He is like her passport to a great life and assumes that he will share her dreams as well.
Today, women are working and the household expenses are lightened by her contributions. Some husbands pay for all the bills but do not give her any allowances since she is working .
Basically what she makes, she spends on herself or on the kids and only grudgingly help pay the bills when the husband is broke.
There are many obstacles in a man’s path to matrimony.If money is not a problem , there is the problem of her.
Will she be a good mother and wife and make his life worth living ?
Will she be like those high maintenance type? They worries about not being able to afford the good life for her and provide her with the luxuries of life.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Will you have sex everyday ?
Want to rediscover the passions, romance and excitements in your otherwise dull and listless marriage/partnership ?
There is hope and it does not cost you a bomb.What you have to do is to re tune your ‘off timing’ and make some adjustments by tightening or loosening some screws in your brain.
Sex is the barometer of the health of your marriage. The more sex you have , the more healthy will be your marriage. The lack of sex will lead your marriage sliding down the steep and slippery abyss.
Love and sex are the two most important twin pillars in a marriage .You cannot have only one without the other.
A marriage is based on trust, intimacy, passion and respect . Many modern couples are too busy or too tired to have sex .
What they want is to fall down on the bed and rest at the end of the day and sex is furthest from their mind .
The absence of sex will slowly corrode their marriage as it will be like the breaking of an iceberg into two and floating away from each other.Soon a wide chasm will develop and it would be difficult to bridge them.
Having more sex is good for your body and soul as it releases those feel good chemicals called dopamine and also releases your stress. It will help you to look young , beautiful and happy.
It is the most intimate and supreme moments of the union when your body ,soul and spirit becomes united as one .A bond that is so strong that no one can separate them.
You should do it more often to extract more of those elixirs of love.
Whether you are in the mood or not , you should just do it.
Making s/he satisfied with pleasure is itself satisfactory and fulfilling. The men should be wary and not say or do stupid things to dampen her mood for love.
There are words which are like golden keys which will open her doors and words that will cut and pierce her heart. It is only ‘words’ but they mean so much to her. She needs constant reassurance of your love and validate her existence.
The women should wear some light makeups and lipsticks and be sexy at home or their sloppy looks would kill the man’s sexual desires.
In theory, everything is easy but in reality there are obstacles to overcome with your partner.
You will need to consult with her first and sell her that idea or you could be branded as a sex maniac .If you only want the sex but does not show her the love for her.
In some couples, there could be a brick wall between them and dismantling that wall can take some time.
Just looking at their partners can turn some of them off or puke , let alone coming near them and having sex. These people will need professional help or the cancer will set in their marriage and destroy them.
Having sex everyday without the love and understandings will make the other feel being used or abused .
It is no guarantee that you will increase the intimacies or excitements in your marriage. It is not a panacea for all the ills in your marriage.
There is no harm trying and you may hit the jackpot. Who knows,your life may improve tremendously and you will see the world in a more positive light.
Reference and thanks to :-
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article5598881.ece?token=null&offset=12&page=2
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )The mistress a casualty of the economic slowdowns.
Who would want to be a mistress if they can be the wife ?
A mistress is a man’s long-term female sexual partner and companion or a kept woman.
The lack of the right available men has resulted in many women becoming mistresses and lovers.
It may not be the best but what other choice do they have ? Half is better than none.
These women are willing to grasp at the opportunities that come their way.
They do not mind if their lovers are older , balding or pot bellied or middle age as long as he is rich and able to support her present lifestyle and upkeep.
A woman can be smart and intelligent but when it comes to love , she cannot think with her head but instead with her heart.
It is no wonder that many professional women are conned off their money and love by those Casanova’s.
The recent slowdowns in the economy has resulted in the dumping of many mistresses and lovers by those men who could not afford to pay their upkeep’s anymore.
Those men were forced to refocus their attentions back to their wives and families.
The wives were too busy with their work or taking care of their children that they paid little or scant attentions to those tell tale signs of his straying s.
Some wives have no inklings whatsoever that their husbands are keeping a mistress .They have settled into the rut and did not bother about their men as long as they contributed to their family expenses.
The discovery of the husbands infidelity can be Earth shattering and can cause a break up if not handled in the right way.
It is not easy to forgive one’s spouse unless one is a Christian.Even as a Christian , some may not forgive them totally . Some women maybe tempted to have affairs to spite him back.
Some affairs may strengthened the marriage but most will destroy the marriage because it is not easy for a woman to forgive and forget the transgressions against her.
Whatever happens , it is fated and we should accept it and move on with our life.
Related story
http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,201559,00.html?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )You’ll never understand why I hurt so much.
It is too late now. My heart is cold and my love for you is dead . When I needed your love, you poured scorn and hot coals over my head and all over my body.
Why is this happening to me ? Why do I have to walk through this burning inferno when you should be leading me on the path to the Garden of Eden?
You have deceived me and I now realized that you are the devil in disguise.
I am your beloved wife but you sadly failed to love, to cherish and to protect me.
You not only did not lift a hand to protect me from your piranha kins but you also took part in the attack frenzy.
My heart is no more and there are no more tears. The trauma will take a long time to heal.
I have to be strong for my daughter’s sake and be there for her . She is the reason that I am still living.Without her, there is no more meanings in my life.
It was a very grave mistake due to my youthful idealism and I paid dearly for it .
I have never been treated like this before and you opened my eyes and taught me the dark side of life.
I gave my all to you .Hoping that we will have a happy and blessed life. We were just too young and green and did not understand what love is all about.
Many teenage marriages faced tremendous pressures and the in laws problem.
Much is expected from them but who can blame them when they cannot fulfill their in laws wishes. They are still young and inexperienced.
Enough is enough and she was forced to leave him and begin a new life.
The man realized his mistakes but it will take a lot to convince her to come back to him. Only time will tell if they can be united again.
When a woman’s heart has turned cold or changed, it is very difficult for her to change her path.
Being their parents, you should always support them , help them and gives them encouragements .
God brings two people together in marriage and let no one let them asunder.
Reference and thanks to :-
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?sec=nation&file=%2F2009%2F4%2F29%2Fnation%2F3790174A
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )Do you sleep together or apart after marriage?
If you are newly married, sleeping apart is out of question and you won’t even give birth to that horrible idea.
That preposition will become stillborn in your head.It would be crazy not to sleep together or intimately with each other .
What would your partner think of you if you insist on sleeping separately ?
In the beginning ,it is the honeymoon period and everything will be just fine .
You will find that you have great compassion’s and willingness to forgive and tolerate whatever misgivings that emanates from your loving partner.
A few years down the road, many couples may find that a good night sleep is much more important than the intimacy in the relationship.
If you cannot get a good night’s sleep, your health and well being will be affected, you will be stressed out, irritable, haggard and terrible looking and this will also affect your performance at work and home.
You might become one of those millions of walking zombie’s or like those packed rats that scurry here and there in the modern city!
In the present world, many are over worked , over stressed and over utilized that sleep and rest is of paramount important.
Men and women are different physically, biologically and psychologically.
They do not react the same to the same surroundings. Women are programmed to be light sleepers and their brains multi task even when their bodies are sleeping.
One may feel warm , while the other is cold. One may like to turn on the fan while the other cannot stand those breezes.
One may want to open the windows while the other is against the droughts.
Sometimes, there are wandering hands which just creeps all over your body like some bugs or reptiles and disturbing your peaceful and serene sleep.
It can be difficult to find the middle ground and sleeping separately seems to be the best solution.It is just getting a good night’s sleep and there is no ulterior or hidden motive.
You would want your wife to have a good night’s sleep after a very hard day at the office as she would be completely recharged, replenished ,chirpy and happy the next day.
Otherwise, you will get one kind of helluva old hag who would make sure that your life would be as miserable as can be.
Further readings –
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