Why Successful & Attractive Women Are Scary To Men ?

Posted on October 22, 2007. Filed under: Marriage Issues | Tags: , , |

A smart, successful and attractive wife is a valuable asset. Any man would be proud to show off to the world.Many men would like to look for a wife with those qualities. What men want and who they will marry are two different things.

You may love an alpha woman but it takes two to tango.The women may not be keen on a man who is lesser than her. What she wants is a man who is as successful as her or more successful than her.

With that high criteria, many men are ineligible and those alpha males who are eligible are not interested in alpha females. They would prefer the beta females who can pamper them and treat them like God or kings.

An alpha female would definitely be more assertive and demand equal respect from the men .She wants everything and demands to be treated as an equal like a man.

She may even demand his subservient to her.He has to give way when they crossed path.She wants a strong man but one who she can control.

The men and women maybe successful but their thoughts of a marriage are still stereotype and archaic.Whose fault is it? If those alpha women cannot find a men , why not just lower their qualification barriers?

Why blame it on the lack of alpha males or others for their problems. Isn’t it their problem because they are too choosy and want only the best man? They could look for a beta male who do not mind being kept by them , a househusband .

A man who would not be intimidated by their success and who can help them in their careers and family life. What others think of him is irrelevant as long as you enjoy your success and your family life.

If those alpha females cannot find a mate, it is the price they have to pay for being very successful . Life is not all about making money.

Even beta women married to very successful men can find life lonely and meaningless.What can you expect from the men married to very successful women?

Many such marriages will tear and will not last.The more successful anyone of them become , the more they have less time for each other .Like Peter Durose, the Tesco executive who gives up his high paying job to stay with his family and rediscovered what life is all about.

Are they not in the same situation? Life is about balances and not in having all those material things which money can buy.
You may buy many things or possess the whole world but true love is never for sale..

Maybe they need to ask themselves,”Are they in pursuit of money or happiness?” Maybe, they need to seek God first and everything will fall into place.

It is better to give love than to receive.

Miranda Complex

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17 Responses to “Why Successful & Attractive Women Are Scary To Men ?”

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First of all, average men don’t like getting taken advantage of and they want to have control over every aspect of relationship. Which is why they seek beta females instead. Many times an average man will beat up or even kill an alpha female who is very arrogant and cocky because he thinks she’s a bitch.

I find that too many attractive and intelligent women(an extremely rare combination) have chips on their shoulders. It seems like they envy the lower IQ sluts who throw themselves at atrractive men and hate the men who take it all in stride! Sorry! Men want to get laid by attractive women(loose or tight) and we deserve it! SO STOP ACTING STUCK UP and like you’re better than everyone else and get with the program!
Or, get used to the lonely VIBRATORS and CHICK FLICKS on Saturday night LOL

Its sad but alpha females need loving too but they cant be reached. their is at type of man out their for them but they arent always the rich type. more like the handsome philosohper types who roam the earth looking for the meaning to life and a higher state of being….sorry alpha females..the type of men that are your match are not attainable because they are never around…so so sad…

it all depends on the situation, sometimes women with these characterists have spent so much time trying to get ahead they dont know how toconverse with men i had this one try tonrun me over with her car. its sad because she so smart she sees me even though she doesnt know me. ive heard here say im gross even though im tall dark and handsome. and she has this sad smile on here face when she sees me a feel sorry smile. for the most part i have been trying to stay out of her way. she attrcted to me and disgusted at the same time. she cant wrap her mind around what i am..i wear glasses and if she was into me i would not have noticed. she smart beautiful and determined..but we dont mix…even from afar..

Well I’m teaching a class of adult students and one of the female students who has a beautiful figure and big gorgeous breasts comes into class wearing tight skimpy tops and tight pants which emphasize her breasts and her figure. She often asks me over to her desk with a question. And she gave me a present. She’s friendly to me and comes up to my desk to ask something . She must know that it really turns me on. Or is she just being friendly – I don’t know why she dresses like that in my class. I’ve been very helpful and nice to her with her English studies but I want to focus on her brains rather than her boobs but shes making it difficult for me to concentrate. Ladies what do you think?

The post kind of helped me. Well How you get ideas for such posts. sorry if it’s out of topic.

Hi Rohit,

Thanks for your post. Glad to be of help to you. Research those information’s from Google.


wow a topic of immense interest.
i am from jamaica and we have the same problem here. i believe that this a world wide phenomena. in jamaica many women are doing well economically in comparison to males. this has made it even more difficult for independent jamaican women to find a partner that is on her economical level. there was a time when i bashed jamaican men for being callow and shallow towards the modern successful woman. but then i realised one day that alpha males are attracted to you because they assume that you are confident until you open your mouth and they realise that you are a arrogant gaudy woman. this became a major turn off for men. i often wonder why a man would subject a woman with great qualities such as independence, financial success and intellectuality to a one night stand and then i realise that men saw me as a desired conquest and not as a potential life long partner. i relaxed my aggressive and assertive ways and my relationship with men improved. i answered questions intelligently but i do not walk around being bossy and spouting technical jargon. maybe intellectual women should try this!!! it might work. tone down ur authoratative voice, be vulnerable, let him see ur feminine side, be archaic in essence. additionally be with a man because of how he makess you feel and not based on his bank account or where he falls on the socio economical continuum. i think thats one of our problems is that alpha women tend to like men for what they represent and not for who they are. remember men stay with women because of how she makes him feel and not neccessarily mainly because of she looks. thats why alpha men have no problem being with a beta female!!!

Hi Crystal,

Thank you for your great post and your solutions to this difficult problem.I hope many girls can emulate your plan and find their soul mates.

Thanks for all you inputs.
I was doing a little research on the different types of problems faced by women who are highly successful in their carrier and stumbled on this series of highly interesting debate /discussion with views from different angles.

Looks like finding the perfect mate is one of the biggest problems a successful woman face.

But is this is the only major one? What are the other common problems they face?

It would be appreciated if somebody can shade light on that.

Thanks in advance.

Laura1318 :-
Their health , personality , social ,economic and political factors can come into play.

It’s a cop-out to claim that men are intimidated by successful women. It’s a cop-out because it’s untrue and a convenient excuse to cover for the problems these women have in relating to others on a deep emotional level.

Relationships require compromise, and egotists would generally rather die fighting than compromise. People who consider themselves to be exceptionally talented leaders who are above all the plebians have a tough time subverting their own wants and giving to another person. This is true of both men and women. Nobody gave Ted Turner or Donald Trump a pass for being unmitigated a**holes, and the same should go for egotistical women.

No one really cares that you won an award at work for being the biggest executive jerk or that you made $211,231.87 before taxes last year. What men want is companionship, not competition. We compete enough with other men, and we’re not interested in playing a perpetual game of one-upsmanship with our girlfriends. We love smart, successful women, not arrogant, abrasive shrews. And sadly, that’s what many successful women become in the process of attaining their success.

So if a woman happens to make more money than the majority of men, she shouldn’t blame her inability to connect with men on some failing of the male gender. Perhaps her stark raving corporate bitch persona is not the proverbial ‘best foot’ that she should be trying to put forward in the dating world.


Hi! Thanks for you great input. You are entitled to your opinions. Woman’s success come’s at a frightening price.

Again, not intimidated but have long history of being hurt from various abuses in society where they may appear weaker. There is much differential treatment from day one that is creating much different outcomes. The current genetic models that say the problem is effort, genetics, or learning differences only adds fuel to the flame. Men know that abuse is allowed upon Males who appear weak and also know society’s protection for women to abuse verbally and silently is a bad bet from the beginning when dealing with more successful women.

Laura1318:-Stereotyping of the gender roles are unavoidable in the modern and sometimes patriarchal society.Women were subjugated by men and lots of discrimination’s and unfair practices were imposed by the society run by men.

Men are not afraid of successful women. They are afraid of abuse toward them by society, including women who may perceive men to be weak in some way. The nineteenth century belief Males should be strong allows aggression toward Males who appear weak in some way. Society provides love, honor, respect, support, etc. (the essentials for feelings of self-worth only on the condition of sufficient achievement, money, power, status, and image. Those Males who do not have sufficiency are not only given less love, honor, and respect, they are allowed upon them more aggression by society. This makes men very competitive for they feel they must achieve in order to have those things.
Added the nineteenth century belief Males should be strong that allow much more aggression toward Males and also the denial from day one of mental, emotional, social support from day one (for fear of coddling the Male) and you have Males falling behind Females mentally, emotionally, socially, academically, and economically.

Women, due to the nineteenth century belief woman should be protected are given love, honor, and respect simply for being women. The nineteen century belief they should be protected also allows for much mental, emotional, social support, to only “appear to mature faster than Males”. By differential treatment Females are surging ahead. In addition that very overprotection by society allows women to give verbal, silent abuse, and hollow kindness or patronization with impunity. The combination of allowed aggressions upon Males who appear weak in some way, lack of support for Males, more than adequate support for Females, and the protected freedoms of various allowed verbal and nonverbal abuse by women makes a Male who appears weak in some way quite vulnerable to more abuse from successful women and more also from society. Complete theory to all mayfieldga@bellsouth.net

Laura1318: Thank you for your interesting hypothesis.. Generally speaking but with exceptions , men are intimidated by strong , powerful and successful women. Those men who are married to them did not marry such women but those women became successful after their marriage.

As a somewhat alpha male and full time househusband I think it’s pretty easy to make the alpha females happy. The “chores” are easy and it’s easy to look good and be relaxed when she gets home. She has gone through hell during the day and I’ve gone to the gym, so it’s not asking too much for me to cobble something together for dinner, have wine, clean up after while she’s showering. As for sex? It’s great to be attentive to her, relaxes her completely and let’s her forget the day. This househubby thing might work out.

Laura1318:-Thanks for sharing your story. She is a lucky gal. The problem is not with you but someday she may think differently or her expectations may changed.

This is a subject that will always intrigue me and seemingly gets worse as men become more and more insecure these days…Power, beauty, independance and control are words that strike fear in men and they love this initially (it draws them in, makes for lots of passion) then… the fear sets in. How can I match her; her drive, energy, etc etc the list goes on. So I have found that as an Alpha female we are truly stuck!!! yes we are considerably more picky!! it seems that beta women can settle and basically their needs are so much more gentle and they react in a way that men understand. Wheras Alpha women are constantly a challenge which eventually gives their ego a push and they can’t keep up. They tend to give in which can be totally heart breaking… Because of course all us Alpha females out there know, we are also sensitive and have strong female emotions underneath our confident competent exterior. This is one subject where I think fate and timing is key. In this day and age I think we are all wanting more, giving less and taking less risks and more self protective. If we follow our hearts and never settle, then at least we will hopefully one day meet the Alpha male who can match us, catch us and keep us energized and entertained…Mr Perfect is out there somewhere!! ha ha…

Hey Laura,
I totally agree with you and I just want to add to a couple of things that you said. So when i say a couple, well this could take a little while.

I mean i definitely agree that Alpha Females have very high standards. But that gets me to question first, what is an Alpha Female? Is she simply someone earns more money than her man? Does it mean that she has more control over him in everyway? Does it mean that she is smarter than him? Better looking? Or does it just mean that you will do the housework for him?

I ask these questions, because I think that some girls, label themselves as Alpha Females because they are simply picky. But this pickiness man not come from Alpha Female tendencies which I believe are associated with much higher levels of self confidence but because they have been hurt in the past and therefore feel they need to set higher standards so they cant be burnt as easily.

So while im an advocate of the Alpha Females especially “Hot Alpha Females” I think there needs to be a real understanding of what an Alpha Female is. In my terms I think that it is someone who has high levels of self confidence, knows what she wants out of life and looks for things that are challenging and meaningful. I think she is someone who strives to seek an equal, someone who she can throw ideas back and to with, who brings out the best in her. She does have high self esteem and this allows her to surrender to her worthy partner. Surrendering means that she can do things for him, without feeling like she is being degraded. Because she is a giving and whole person and wishes to express this. That’s all. An Alpha Female can maybe earn more money than her partner, or maybe equal his income. But she knows that this is not a reflection of her partner and his worth. You can be an Alpha Female and love to cook for your partner, wash the dishes and do the laundry.

Why do people have this preconceived notion that you are either an Alpha Female or a Traditional Housewife. All im asking, is … cant you be both? I think its highly possible. N this is what I would classify as the “ Hot Alpha Female” – just an ordinary chick who can balance lead a balanced fulfilling life in all areas. Work, leisure and relationships.

I mean I definitely get your point that many guys are scared off Alpha Females because they appear to be very aggressive. But I think that if you toned it down a bit, that you would be able to attract a lot of meaningful traffic in terms of interested guys your way! N I think that the aggressive mainly stems from wanting to protect yourself from being hurt, n working on this area so that you no longer feel like you need to put up a barrier to the world and to guys, will make attracting the right guy for you a whole lot easier!

Let me know your thoughts, coz im interested in what you have to say

Hot Alpha Female =)

N remember “But the real secret to total gorgeousness is to believe in yourself, have self confidence, and try to be secure in your decisions and thoughts.” – Kirsten Dunst


Hi there!
Love this topic, so forgive me if i get carried away! isn’t this like the most common problem that alpha females have? They want a man that is just as successful as them. I wouldn’t say more successful because i think alpha females are very competitive. So if the partner is in the same field, im not sure this would end in a happy marriage either.

I totally get that Alpha Females therefore have much more limited choice in the men that they would like to date .. but think about it … we only need to marry one guy!!!! So there is still hope.

I don’t believe that women have to either choose success over a relationship. I think life is abundant and that u can absolutely have both. N i think that u need to come from this mind frame, otherwise u will have to make this choice!!!

I also think that there are guys out there that want equal partners as well. They want girls who are smart and independant and can make them think. Gives them much more of a challenge and i think can result in a much deeper and meaningful relationship.

One thing i do know is that Alpha Females have this go get it attitude and thats FINE. Its liberating. Its FREAKEN FANTASTIC. But i don’t think that this same attitude can be taken into relationships.

I think alpha girls need to surrender a little. Let the man take back a little of the control. So that he can be the man. He can protect and feel needed. Girls it feels awesome to be loved. I think we need to learn how to receive again. One book that i read that helped me with this was called “The Surrendered Single” gave me a whole new perspective of dating and viewing relationships.

There is still hope out there girls!!

Hot Alpha Female =)

N remember “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself” – Mark Twain

Visit My Blog


Laura1318; Thank you very much for your interesting, exuberance and delightful views. Yeah ! You only need to find one single good men from among all those thorns out there, but it is easier said than done.

That single available man could be the elusive ‘Big Foot ‘ LOL. !! Or you could be looking for a golden needle in a haystack. Why I said golden needle? It is because you are not satisfied just looking for a needle in the haystack but a ‘golden needle’ encrusted with diamonds..LOL!

Some Alpha women have set too high a target. They are simply asking for a God like creature instead of a human being. They have gazetted and boxed themselves into a tight little corner.

Compare this to a man seeking a wife. He does not have many high expectations of his wife. He is not rigid and can change his manifestos. He surveys the market or in his little world and picks the one he thinks is the most beautiful or appeal to his senses. .

He does not set a high criteria for a mate like a woman does and whether this person exist or not in this world. He sees, he comes and he conquered. Whereas a women dreams of her ideal man and will matched all those in her real world to see if they fit her dream man. She is usually disappointed with the results because she is too rigid and critical of all those men that come into contact with her.

If the search for an Alpha male is not difficult, there would not be so many Alpha females who would be entering the twilight zone .I don’t mean to be pessimistic or sound discouraging. Alpha women need to change their outlooks in life if they want to marry and settle down.

They have become too competitive and aggressive like men and this is a turn off for many men who prefer a more feminine and more understanding spouse. The traditional wife who always think of her husband first.

The Alpha females have made the men feel redundant for he cannot play his manly role as a protector and white shining knight. Her success and beauty can be too intimidating for him and he will have inferiority complex.A man may feel inadequate because he thinks she is a high maintenance sports car.

The Alpha males want a wife who they can dominate and control and not someone who would dominate over him or outshine him. No man wants to be dominated unless he comes from such a background of a dominant mother. After marriage, that is a different matter .Before marriage, it matters a lot to him.

Those smart Alpha females will have to pretend like traditional women or have the Miranda complex during the courtship to keep the men interested in them till she can sealed his fate..LOL!

In order to feel secure most of us men need to have some idea of why this beautiful, successful woman needs us around. When a woman can provide for her own (and her children’s needs) without us, when she is sexually attractive to other men, we have trouble seeing why she hangs out with us.

Of course I never feel insecure, but other guys. Yeah, that’s it. Other guys have told me.

Laura1318:Every women no matter how successful she is , need a man or she won’t feel complete. She can live without a man or there can be no man in her life except her father.
There are still many places where single women cannot enter.

It is not that she do not want a man , but she does not find a man because they asked for a God. She could use her money to buy the services of a man but that is different from a man who love her from the bottom of his heart. A man who will protect her and make her feel like a complete women .Being a single parent is not of her choice. A woman who lives alone do not have security and a man is very handy and useful tool..LOL!

it’s easy said than done. practically i only met 1 fella whom is a house husband whilst the wife is a very successful full time fashion brand founder and operator now. but the way i know their family they are very well connected and relationship well managed.

so i think its more like we need a paradigm shift in mental thought pattern whether or not we still desire those long deep rooted culture of alpha man-hood running the family.

but i guess there is another dimension of the challenge here, if a alpha lady can accept a gamma lame husband….. ?

Laura1318 : Yep! A big shift in the mental thoughts or a survival instincts of procreations.

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