Family Issues

I am tired of being a man ,I want to be a woman again.

Posted on July 22, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

Do you sometimes feel like you are the man in the house ?

You make all the major decisions and pay for everything in the marriage .Your man appears to only piggy back on your back and adding to your problems.

You want him to pull his weight in the relationship but he seems to be oblivious of your feelings and discontentment’s.

Instead of being understanding and helpful , some men may even constantly criticize , complaint ,emotionally abuse and have a higher expectations from her.

The journey is long and you can get tired and you need to rest sometimes and expect him to carry you when you feel weary and weak.

You are tired of carrying all those burdens on your shoulder and want him to help lighten them.

You maybe paying for half of everything in today’s marriages and in some cases, you may even pay for everything.

After paying for so many things , you expect some gratitude from him but instead you feel lousy about his selfish behaviour and would have preferred if he showed some understandings about your needs and learned how to nurture and take care of you .

You feel that you have given a lot to the relationship but he only knows how to take but does not know how to give in return.

Blame it on their mothers who pampered them and did not train them properly.

It can be very weary carrying the whole world by yourself all the time and sometimes , you need to rest and allow him to help you but help is not forth coming.

You think of your parents time when the man is the sole provider and the woman the house minder. The gender roles were distinct in those times.

With women getting higher educations and better paying jobs, the role of women in our society has taken on a different role. They are now the breadwinner as well as the housewife.

Even though some men take on a greater role in the taking care of the child and home, a greater proportion of the household chores are still being borne by the women.

Women want equality and they want to prove that they are just as capable as the men in every fields.

In the process, they compete against men and men are confused with the new role of women in the society.

Today’s women act like men or assimilated some of his characteristics but yet want to be treated like a traditional type of women.

The modern women want independence and equality but deep down they want to be taken care off like a traditional women with the men paying for everything.

It is like having the best of both worlds. Some women reverted back and fro from the old and the new world whenever it suited them.

If she is from a lower paying job, her man would look after her but if she is from the other higher end, the man is not expected to pay for her upkeep.

The way to avoid these pitfalls is to work out the details before marriage or put a certain percentage of their incomes into a joint account for all those bills and mortgages.

I see some Christian couples do that and they have a very good relationship and money is not a problem or can cause any misunderstandings or bad feelings.

When you are in love, you just want to live together and do not want to discuss the nitty gritty stuff before hand. There could be serious troubles if you go into too much details.

If there is love, everything will be fine and you won’t mind paying for everything.

When the honeymoon is over and reality sets in ,you begin to see his faults .

He is not the golden God you worshiped and let him walked all over you but only a statue with feet of clay.

Related story,

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-pay-for-everything-myself-why-doesnt-my.html

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Will he marry me ?

Posted on May 25, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

When you love your partner with all your heart and soul and he loves you back the same , it is only a matter of time ,you would expect him to pop that question,”Will you marry me ?”

You have been waiting patiently and earnestly for that proposal from him and would probably have prepared your reply beforehand. Sadly and disappointingly , those loving and ever precious words will remain still born in his brain.

You will need to graft those words into his heart and when summer comes, you should see a new shoot and if you cannot see any new shoots,he is not the one for you.

Some women may have waited from two to 8 years and some forever .If you are not going to push for it , the men would just sit on the fence and do nothing . He loves you and wants to be with you but his words and deeds do not match.

After two or three years and if he cannot commit to you , there is no hope in that relationship and it would be better to move on and find another man.Some women can go on having an uncommitted relationship for many years.

They are only deceiving themselves . If he cannot commit to you now , what makes you think he will commit to you five years or ten years down the road ?

Your biological clock is ticking and you want to have kids as early as possible .He seems not to be in a hurry or oblivious of your needs and it never crosses his mind that time is an essential factor.Everyday is just the same to him and he is bobbing around directionless and soaking up your sunshine.

Whenever you want to bring up the subject of marriage,he seems lukewarm about it and he does not share your views. After all, you are living like a married couple and what is a piece of paper?

Do you want a piece of paper or a loving and happy relationship ?

Most men would posed that question to the women but one needs to understand a woman’s psyche.

Your perspective is different and being married legally offers you security ,official status and matters when dealing with the state like death , divorce or inheritance.

If the state recognize such loose relationships, then there is no problem but in many countries, a marriage certificate or if your marriage is registered with the state , then you have a local standing . Otherwise, you are nobody and cannot sue or claim your rights as his wife or his inheritance .

Many couples are living together or cohabiting and having children too.They are not married but are living like married couples.The men are enjoying this arrangements without having any legal commitments to their partners.If they don’t like each other, they can just leave . This is an unfair advantage to the women.

A marriage is like a contract and is binding . When you don’t have a marriage contract, your bonds may not be strong and he can easily break away or tempted away by another younger women.

If the man loves you , why are they afraid to get married ? Would they not want to go to the end of the world with you or die for you ?

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Will you have sex everyday ?

Posted on May 13, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

Want to rediscover the passions, romance and excitements in your otherwise dull and listless marriage/partnership ?

There is hope and it does not cost you a bomb.What you have to do is to re tune your ‘off timing’ and make some adjustments by tightening or loosening some screws in your brain.

Sex is the barometer of the health of your marriage. The more sex you have , the more healthy will be your marriage. The lack of sex will lead your marriage sliding down the steep and slippery abyss.

Love and sex are the two most important twin pillars in a marriage .You cannot have only one without the other.

A marriage is based on trust, intimacy, passion and respect . Many modern couples are too busy or too tired to have sex .

What they want is to fall down on the bed and rest at the end of the day and sex is furthest from their mind .

The absence of sex will slowly corrode their marriage as it will be like the breaking of an iceberg into two and floating away from each other.Soon a wide chasm will develop and it would be difficult to bridge them.

Having more sex is good for your body and soul as it releases those feel good chemicals called dopamine and also releases your stress. It will help you to look young , beautiful and happy.

It is the most intimate and supreme moments of the union when your body ,soul and spirit becomes united as one .A bond that is so strong that no one can separate them.

You should do it more often to extract more of those elixirs of love.
Whether you are in the mood or not , you should just do it.

Making s/he satisfied with pleasure is itself satisfactory and fulfilling. The men should be wary and not say or do stupid things to dampen her mood for love.

There are words which are like golden keys which will open her doors and words that will cut and pierce her heart. It is only ‘words’ but they mean so much to her. She needs constant reassurance of your love and validate her existence.

The women should wear some light makeups and lipsticks and be sexy at home or their sloppy looks would kill the man’s sexual desires.

In theory, everything is easy but in reality there are obstacles to overcome with your partner.

You will need to consult with her first and sell her that idea or you could be branded as a sex maniac .If you only want the sex but does not show her the love for her.

In some couples, there could be a brick wall between them and dismantling that wall can take some time.

Just looking at their partners can turn some of them off or puke , let alone coming near them and having sex. These people will need professional help or the cancer will set in their marriage and destroy them.

Having sex everyday without the love and understandings will make the other feel being used or abused .

It is no guarantee that you will increase the intimacies or excitements in your marriage. It is not a panacea for all the ills in your marriage.

There is no harm trying and you may hit the jackpot. Who knows,your life may improve tremendously and you will see the world in a more positive light.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article5598881.ece?token=null&offset=12&page=2

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The mistress a casualty of the economic slowdowns.

Posted on May 11, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

Who would want to be a mistress if they can be the wife ?

A mistress is a man’s long-term female sexual partner and companion or a kept woman.

The lack of the right available men has resulted in many women becoming mistresses and lovers.

It may not be the best but what other choice do they have ? Half is better than none.

These women are willing to grasp at the opportunities that come their way.

They do not mind if their lovers are older , balding or pot bellied or middle age as long as he is rich and able to support her present lifestyle and upkeep.

A woman can be smart and intelligent but when it comes to love , she cannot think with her head but instead with her heart.

It is no wonder that many professional women are conned off their money and love by those Casanova’s.

The recent slowdowns in the economy has resulted in the dumping of many mistresses and lovers by those men who could not afford to pay their upkeep’s anymore.

Those men were forced to refocus their attentions back to their wives and families.

The wives were too busy with their work or taking care of their children that they paid little or scant attentions to those tell tale signs of his straying s.

Some wives have no inklings whatsoever that their husbands are keeping a mistress .They have settled into the rut and did not bother about their men as long as they contributed to their family expenses.

The discovery of the husbands infidelity can be Earth shattering and can cause a break up if not handled in the right way.

It is not easy to forgive one’s spouse unless one is a Christian.Even as a Christian , some may not forgive them totally . Some women maybe tempted to have affairs to spite him back.

Some affairs may strengthened the marriage but most will destroy the marriage because it is not easy for a woman to forgive and forget the transgressions against her.

Whatever happens , it is fated and we should accept it and move on with our life.

Related story

http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,201559,00.html?

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Where the West and the East shall twined.

Posted on May 10, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues |

Some people have a misguided perception that all Westerners are rich in comparison to the locals who are poor .

They may also think that all Westerners are handsome and beautiful like what is portrayed in those movies .

This is a fallacy and those who thought likewise are like those frogs living under the well. Theirs is a very small world and they do not know what it is like beyond their well.

What they see is only the lifestyles of those rich and super rich and which does not reflect on the overall society in general.

There are the hardcore poor’s in every country. Even in the USA there are many homeless people who live on the streets .

Today,even if you cannot afford to travel around the world, there is the internet which is a window to the whole wide world.

It is like a great library or encyclopedia where you have the Google God and find all those answers that you want.

The general perception that those Westerners are rich is because of the different standards of living and the wide disparity in the currency exchange.

They may not be rich in their own country but when they come over here, their spending power is multiplied three ,four or more times and they appear to be rich.

The Westerners received better and special privileges than the locals in many establishments. This kind of mentality permeates often in the Asian society.

This is just my generalizations only ,for there has been many cases of the West meeting the East and they twined.

The love story from the link below makes an interesting read. It is love and fate which decides our destiny.

A Western girl from Canada came to China and found her life long partner.

In Katherine Walker’s own words ,”We are two people that met in a town very far away from our homes. He is my best friend and every day with him makes me smile.

We wish you all the very best and may God bless you abundantly.

Related topic

http://www.soshiok.com/articles/12792/

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A woman , a lover, a mistress and a wife

Posted on May 7, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , |

Some women are adept in playing all those roles . They either cannot stay alone for long or they prey on others or they themselves are a prey.

They will fall in and fall out of successive relationships and become serial lovers or mistresses.

Whether the men are single or married,they are all welcome. Some may prefer married men as they are better experienced and are better lovers. They would be less demanding as they are tied up in their marriage.

Snaring married men makes them feel good and increase their self importance and ego as she feels she is a better woman than the wife.

They know the traumas and the pain when infidelity happens yet it does not seem to bother them . They have been hurt before and when others are hurt , it is not their problem.

This type of mistress only plan to co exist with the married man and do not want to disturb their marriage.
She has no intentions of asking the men to divorce their wives and marrying them . She is perfectly comfortable to be just the mistress to him.

Being a mistress has it’s advantages. She has a lot of time to herself and can preen herself beautiful for him.
The mistress does not have to run a home or those domestic drudgery or taking care of kids.

While the dutiful wife will have myriads of errands to run daily that she has no time for herself or for him.

It can be a mundane and boring life when everything is repeated daily and the marriage becomes jaded as time progresses.

Sometimes it can develop into a dead end marriage. There are no more sparks in that marriage leading the men to seek love and solace from another woman’s bosom.The men will then seek outside of marriage what they cannot get from the inside.

He is faced with the many temptations in the work place with all those sexy piranha’s swimming around and who does not respect if the man is married or not.

Sometimes , there is the run in with the wives who discovered their partner’s affairs . Other times, they cause the break up of the families and this is really sad .

You cannot blame the wives for being jealous and on guard when their partners talk to another female.

For there lurks the devil in disguise underneath another female like Karen who wants to sleep with your husband.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1178134/A-mistress-confesses-Why-I-want-sleep-husband–HE-wants-sleep-me.html

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Buying a hand phone for your child ?

Posted on May 3, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

It is the in thing or trendy for the young child to possess a hand phone or cellphone in this age and time.

Their ages of possession are getting younger and younger and today’s kids are getting more smarter than ever.

The prices of those h/p’s are now no more expensive and are dropping at a dizzying pace . They have become more affordable to many people.

The various promotions by the h/p companies are too tempting and most consumers are enticed by those sweet deals.

Many parents are giving their young child a phone for the purpose of tracking their movements and whereabouts or for any emergency situations when they need to talk to each other.

Even if they are reluctant to buy for them, the child may pester her or throw tantrums for one as everyone seems to have a h/p in school or is carrying one.

In some cases ,not simply any h/p but the ones with the latest gizmo’s.

For the young teens , they are a source of delight as they can gossip with their friends and incur huge phone bills to their parents detriments .

Smart parents would would only allow them to use prepaid cards as they can control their usage.

Children as old as 4 or 5 can learn how to use the h/p . Some parents teach their young ones how to use the h/p and this can be useful during an emergency . They can call for help from the police or 911 when anything happens to the parents.

It can be an expensive toy for some one that young and who may not know how to take care of it. Probably it will not last due to manhandling or being stolen .

This news article about a 8 years old boy upon getting his first cellphone and making a prank call about his mother being shot by his father is comical.

However, it was not funny for 911 and the police and they took away his cellphone . Poor boy! He is being taught a lesson .

What gives him such an idea ?

I remembered the first time , I gave my kids a cellphone and the girl chatted and saddled me with a very high phone bill.

She was too young to understand and after only 3 times being send to the sin bin did she controlled those calls. There is always the first time.

if you are thinking of buying your kids a cell phone, make sure they understands the rules and limits.Otherwise , you will make a few holes in your purse or pocket.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.chicoer.com/ci_12277970?source=rss

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You’ll never understand why I hurt so much.

Posted on April 29, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , |

It is too late now. My heart is cold and my love for you is dead . When I needed your love, you poured scorn and hot coals over my head and all over my body.

Why is this happening to me ? Why do I have to walk through this burning inferno when you should be leading me on the path to the Garden of Eden?

You have deceived me and I now realized that you are the devil in disguise.

I am your beloved wife but you sadly failed to love, to cherish and to protect me.

You not only did not lift a hand to protect me from your piranha kins but you also took part in the attack frenzy.

My heart is no more and there are no more tears. The trauma will take a long time to heal.

I have to be strong for my daughter’s sake and be there for her . She is the reason that I am still living.Without her, there is no more meanings in my life.

It was a very grave mistake due to my youthful idealism and I paid dearly for it .

I have never been treated like this before and you opened my eyes and taught me the dark side of life.

I gave my all to you .Hoping that we will have a happy and blessed life. We were just too young and green and did not understand what love is all about.

Many teenage marriages faced tremendous pressures and the in laws problem.

Much is expected from them but who can blame them when they cannot fulfill their in laws wishes. They are still young and inexperienced.

Enough is enough and she was forced to leave him and begin a new life.
The man realized his mistakes but it will take a lot to convince her to come back to him. Only time will tell if they can be united again.

When a woman’s heart has turned cold or changed, it is very difficult for her to change her path.

Being their parents, you should always support them , help them and gives them encouragements .

God brings two people together in marriage and let no one let them asunder.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?sec=nation&file=%2F2009%2F4%2F29%2Fnation%2F3790174A

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Sex slave to dad and brother !

Posted on April 27, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , , , |

A 13-year-old Malaysian girl claimed that she had been a sex slave to the father ,42 and brother ,15 for the last four years.

How come the mother does not know anything at all or was she an accomplice or fearful of her husband wrath’s.

Surely there are tell tale signs when the daughter is undergoing through those traumas. Either she is blind or she purportedly ignored her daughter’s cries.

She failed in her duty as a parent to protect her daughter from those low life creatures. Now , she must suffer those consequences for her inaction.

If this is true,it is indeed a very sad day for humanity. Her very own father and brother who is supposed to protect her ,violated her sanctity and honour and treated her with total disdain and contempt .

It is a very shameful , cowardly and disgraceful act perpetrated on a very young and innocent child .Those perpetrators are really sick in their minds .

This brings to mind the most vile case that happened in Austria.

A 73-year-old Austrian man,Josef Fritzl has confessed to imprisoning his daughter in a windowless cellar for 24 years and fathering her seven children.(http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2008/04/28/sex-slave-father-confesses-to-locking-daughter-in-cellar-for-24-years-115875-20397801/)

Why do these men commit the most foul,perverse and dastardly acts on their own children?

According to some psychologist, it could be attributed to the abuse they suffered when they were a child and they became emotional handicaps and developed personality disorders and serious sexual disorders.

When they grew up, they followed in their parents tradition as it was a normal practice for them. Abuse begets abuse.

Are they humans or beastly creatures of the lowest order ? Yeah! Low life creatures that is even below those wild animals .

These low life creatures should be locked up for good and the keys thrown into the deepest ocean.

They have committed incest and have destroyed their children’s future.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Crime/Story/A1Story20090424-137178.html

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Cohabitation VS Marriage

Posted on April 18, 2009. Filed under: Family Issues | Tags: , |

Are you for it or against it ? What are the benefits or disadvantages of cohabitation.

Personally, I think cohabitation is only good up to a certain point and if it is prolonged then it becomes disadvantage to the women.

She could be cheated of her youth, money and time in this unfruitful venture.

In the long run ,she may be left high and dry when those men get tired of them and seek new pastures .

In the end , she may just remain a kept woman and nothing more.

After all, there is nothing to prevent those men from leaving when they want or like, unlike a marriage which has legal obligations when they are divorced.

A man not tied down by marriage legally is like a ship with no anchor and can drift when there is a storm or the current changes.

Today , there are many couples who cohabit out of necessity due to many reasons.

Some of them even had children and when you have reached that milestone in your life, getting legally married does not seem appealing to those men.

They are already enjoying their married life minus the legal implications of a marriage.

If you can eat your cake for free , why pay for it ?

Many may think it is a good idea or wise to cohabit first to know more about the other person before marriage.There is less risks of divorce or being trapped in an unhappy marriage.

This way, they may just walk away from each without all those legal complications .

This union can never be strong without the marriage bond as they do not feel the responsibilities and commitments like in a legal marriage.

Marriage is not a bed of roses and there will always be frictions. The marriage status is like a glue that holds them together and it is a strong bond and not easily broken.

When you do not have that kind of bond , your relationship will not be strong and stable.

Cohabitation is not a substitute to marriage. A strong and committed marriage brings more benefits and rewards,your health, happiness, and financial security.

Recommended reading :-

http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2001/January/cohabitation.htm

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